At the beginning of 2015 I wrote a post (Celebrate Birthdays and Holidays (If You Can)) sharing how hard it sometimes is for me to embrace and enjoy holidays. I described myself at a low point on my birthday a few years back but ended at a moment of triumph after several weeks of travel and positive experiences, after two years in a row of spending New Year’s Eve with important, wonderful people.
I left the parenthetical on that post for an occasion such as this, where I have swerved into the same damn rut I was in before. I’m alone on NYE and feel awful.
It’s more than FOMO. It’s a disappointment in myself that I’m back to square one, that I’m still fighting (and losing) these battles. It’s so frustrating I let a year full of changes and accomplishments go out with a whimper, and not a bang.